Oink Brown

These days, it can be challenging to keep a conversation going when I'm with both of my parents together. Mom seems surprised that I live in Tennessee and can't always remember what subjects she taught. Dad is starting to forget the minute details of our family history that are still unrecorded. Still, if we ask him to retell a funny story, and are patient enough to wait for his pale blue eyes to close and his eyelids to flutter through the Rolodex of memories, a predictable but beloved tale will finally ascend from his dopamine-deprived vocal cords.

One night Leroy and his brother went to a bar and had too much to drink, then stole a pig from a truck in the parking lot. On their way home they came to a road block so they pulled over, sat the pig up between them, threw a hat on his head and wrapped a jacket around his body. The sheriff went to each window asking for names.

Leroy Brown was driving the truck and on the passenger side was John Henry Brown. Then the deputy sheriff said, "Okay, you in the middle there, what’s your name?” So Leroy moved his elbow like that and when he hit him in the ribs it sounded like "Oink."

So the deputy’s partner came up and said, “You got anything looks like its bothering you?”

He said, “Nah, let’s leave ‘em alone, but I’ll tell you one thing—that Oink Brown must be the ugliest rascal in East Texas.”

As corny as it sounds, and as many times as we've heard it, we all get tickled, then chuckle, then guffaw at my dad's big horsey smile until finally the tears of laughter wash away our cares.

Encore . . .  "Tell the one about R-uh" . . .

One day Leroy and Oink Brown had a big wreck and had to go to the doctor.
The doctor said, “What on earth happened to you?"
“Well, we were just driving along when Oink here put the gear into “L”.
“You mean LOW” said the doctor.
"No, Lurch.” said Leroy.
He went on with his story. “Well next, old Oink put the gear into “D”.
“You mean DRIVE” said the doctor.
“No, Drag” corrected Leroy.
He continued. “Then when we got to the light, a guy pulls up next to us and starts waving his hands at us. So Doc, the next thing I knew old Oink put the gear into “R-uh”.
“In Reverse??” cried the doctor.
“No, R-uh means Race! And the next thing I know, all hell broke loose and we crashed into that tree.”

Do you have family stories to pass on? While you still can, write them down, or better yet, record them on your mobile device. These two were captured a year ago, when my dad met up with some old pals for lunch. This little excerpt might just cure anything ailing you today.