02 March 2009

Two Interesting Questions

I grew up in a somewhat liturgical tradition, yet never paid much attention to all the changing colors and candles and fabrics or what they symbolized. The last few years I’ve become more intentional about marking the church year, which enriches my personal and shared celebration of the living Christ. However, just before Easter last year, I commented to my small group that “it doesn’t feel like it should be Easter time.” I still felt the dreariness of my winter--or spiritual--hibernation. Maybe that’s why I’ve been trying to pay more attention this year. Advent, then Christmas, then the Twelve Days of Christmas, and Epiphany . . . until finally Ash Wednesday was on my horizon. Several years ago, my kindred friend, Melinda, told me how meaningful the “St. B’s” Ash Wednesday service was. I mentally filed her suggestion away, but have never attended one . . . but this New Year’s, when I was marking special days on my new Mary Engelbreit calendar, I remembered her words.

Last week, I was reading about Ash Wednesday as “an invitation” to the Lenten season. I’ve always considered Lent a cheerless, rather legalistic tradition—usually revolving around a diet of some sort. I hadn’t considered that, celebrated correctly, it is a time of being refreshed by a loving God with the purpose of strengthening our spiritual lives. I totally missed the point that forty days to focus on the meaning of my life in Christ is not so much about taking off something as taking on a spiritual discipline or practice to cleanse my mind and focus my soul before Easter. Oh . . .

The evening before Ash Wednesday (aka Fat Tuesday), I looked up the times for Ash Wednesday services and texted Kristi to see if she wanted to join me. “Yes!” she replied. But by the next morning I had a nagging headache . . . maybe from some trepidation about being an outsider for an Anglican tradition I didn’t really understand. I told Kristi that if she really wanted to go she would have to talk me into it. All she said was, “Melinda would want you to go.” Oh . . .

So we met, and happily, found our friend, Deb, who knew what to expect and helped us navigate all the readings and prayers and kneeling and going forward and kneeling and going forward and kneeling again. It was a rich experience . . . especially the serene quietness and unhurried pace . . . for that hour I was truly an insider because it was not me-centered, but Christ-centered. Everyone parted after sharing The Peace, with little crosses of ash gently drawn on our foreheads (not fireplace ashes, but the cinders saved from last year’s palm fronds from the Palm Sunday processional) Oh . . .

As we drove away, each person had an inner conflict to resolve—do I rub off the ashes or leave them for a while? You don’t want to make someone to feel “irreligious” for not acknowledging this holy day; yet you don’t want to be ashamed to share an outward sign of your faith . . . these days, the most common question is not “Where did you get your ashes?” but “What is that mark on your face?” I drove through Starbucks to get some tea (not what I’m taking off during Lent) but the well-trained barista acted like he didn’t notice and said nothing at all!

I went on to the office, and began my Wednesday afternoon ritual. . . making copies for my ESL classes, spreading them out on the floor, and crawling around on my hands and knees to collate them. But while I was kneeling for this totally different purpose, I felt a little POP! and a weird sinking feeling all through my way-lower back (aka boot). Even though it took me about ten minutes to get up, move to a chair, summon my husband for some Advil, then shuffle to the car, I found myself giggling at the irony. My ashes were washed off within a few hours, but for a few days now, I’ve had quite a few people ask “Why are you limping?” The only honest answer is, “I guess I don’t kneel often enough.” Oh . . .

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I love your words!! Much encouragement for my soul.
My daughter mentioned she was giving up coffee for lent and I began thinking.... God loudly said TV . As I was considereing the sacrifice, taking off, I knew I wanted to "take on" something, fill this block of time with thinking about the cross and what this means as I live out my life before God. I listened to a midday connection.com archive show from Feb. 18 and it helped put the "give up something for lent" idea in proper perspective.
Love, Anna

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful... I still wrestle with the intentions and religiosity of the Church calendar having grown up Episcopalian and never hearing about Jesus... I love this though, it's a beautiful perspective! ( ; One not just for the Lenten season ... as Christians aren't we ALWAYS learning to give up and put on the love of Christ (whatever that looks like outwardly)in different seasons? Love your blog, Elaine!
Lizzy

Pam said...

Elaine this is wonderful. Being raised a baptist in Texas I knew very little about the Catholic faith. Ten years in Miami changed all of that. We have some wonderful born again Catholic friends from Miami and El Paso. Easy to find since 98% of the pop. there is that faith. I have learned many things from them and their traditions. That being said my Baptist Baylor loving daughter knows even more. She reguarly quotes phrase and blessings that friends have told her thoughout the years. I am glad you enjoyed the service. My daughter now refers to Ash Wednesday as that ashen thing. In first grade suddenly everyone appeared at school with crosses on the forhead and first graders don't wipe the head as this was probably the first time they could participate in the service. There were probably 4 kids in her class that weren't catholic and they all had been to early mass before school. Needless to say that night she refused to go to church choir. Whatever. The next week she shared with me she didn't want to do the ashen thing. I assured her she didn't have to do that at our church. When your 6 you don't relaize churches are different. Should be that way all your life. We all serve the same risen Lord.

Kristi said...

It was such an unexpectedly happy service. I loved it and tried to not feel odd with my little ash cross, although I was very self-conscious. I don't have bangs, like you. :)

The most blessed thing about the service, to me, was that the minister kept mentioning the fact that the death to self, repentance, and humility reminders are never a negative to a Christian, because we've been pre-forgiven. All is clean because of Christ. After death comes resurrection. Every time.

Melinda said...

Kristi was right--I'm glad you went! :)
so many lenten-related things I wish I could process with you....
thanks for sharing--I'm encouraged!

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